Returning to Work After Losing a Child
Coping with Child Loss (part 1)
7/27/20262 min read
Returning to Work After Losing a Child
Why It Feels So Impossible (and How to Be Gentle With Yourself)
"The hardest part wasn't walking back into the office. The hardest part was walking back into a world that kept moving while mine had completely stopped."
Returning to work after losing a child is one of the most difficult transitions a parent can face.
While your coworkers may see you walking through the same doors, sitting at the same desk, or logging into the same meetings, inside, everything has changed. The person you were before your loss no longer exists in quite the same way. Grief has altered your perspective, your priorities, and often your very sense of identity.
Many parents tell themselves,
"I should be getting back to normal."
But after losing a child, there is no returning to the life you once knew. There is only learning—slowly and gently—how to carry your grief while beginning to engage with life again.
That isn't weakness.
It's one of the most courageous things you'll ever do.
Grief Doesn't End When Bereavement Leave Does
Most workplaces offer a few days—or perhaps a week—of bereavement leave.
On paper, it sounds compassionate.
In reality, grief doesn't follow a company policy.
For many parents, the funeral is only the beginning.
The casseroles stop arriving.
Friends return to their routines.
The phone becomes quieter.
And the full weight of the loss often settles in only after everyone else has resumed their lives.
Then comes the expectation that you should return to work.
Answer emails.
Attend meetings.
Solve problems.
Make decisions.
Smile politely.
Carry on.
Yet the person expected to do those things is carrying an invisible weight that no one else can fully see.
If you've found yourself wondering,
"How am I supposed to care about spreadsheets when my child is gone?"
or
"Why can't I concentrate on something that used to be easy?"
please know that there is nothing wrong with you.
Your brain isn't failing you.
It is grieving.
Take your time with the grief... and keep reading for strategies and pointers as you are working your way through the shock and numbness.
There Is No "Right" Way to Return
One of the questions grieving parents often ask themselves is:
"Am I doing this right?"
Should I go back sooner?
Should I take more time off?
Should I push myself?
Should I keep busy?
The honest answer is that there isn't a single "right" way.
Some parents find comfort in returning to work relatively quickly because the structure provides a brief respite from the intensity of grief. Others discover that even getting dressed and leaving the house feels impossible.
Neither response is wrong.
Grief isn't a measure of strength, nor is returning to work a measure of healing.
It's simply one step in learning how to live in a world that has been forever changed.
Try not to compare your journey with anyone else's.
Some people return after a week.
Others need months.
Some come back full time.
Others find that a gradual return is more manageable.
The goal isn't to return to the person you were before your loss.
The goal is to discover what you need today.